It's hard

Being a working mother is hard. Being a shift-working mother is harder. And being a shift-working mother with a shift-working husband is even harder. I don't know if I'm going about this all wrong or what, but I can't seem to find that perfect medium for us. I have so much I want to do with my girls, but I can't seem to get it all done. Take this week for example. Monday, Molly was sick and stayed with my mom so I could work and Brian could sleep after working 12 hours Sunday night. I worked until 4:30p, picked Mary Claire up and headed home. We eat, pack everyone up and head to Wal-mart for a few necessary things. Then Tuesday, Brian works some extra duty and I work 2:30p-11p. Well, ends up we have to bring Mary Claire to urgent care for a possible UTI. Poor baby would scream as she tried to potty Brian said. She would also tell him she had a bo-bo and point to her "girl parts" as we call them. So we're both paranoid she has a UTI and get my mom and dad to pick her up and meet me at urgent care; Brian stays home with Molly so they can sleep as he has to get up early for work. Well, Mary Claire's urine was negative and we still are unsure of what's causing her discomfort. I took off Wednesday for Molly's birthday. We go take pictures at Penney's, go to lunch and then come home to try to take a nap; neither girl is having it. So my mom and I decide to do a Wal-mart run and as I'm getting Molly out of the car I notice a rash all over her belly and back. We get our shopping done and I call the doctor. Our pediatrician can actually see her! So we head over to the doctor. We wait close to 1.5 hours and find out that she does indeed have a double ear infection and that the rash is not an allergic reaction, but rather roseola - a virus. Joy. No wonder she's been fussy and cranky and clingy. Today is Thursday, my day off. Brian has to work, so I'm enjoying a kid-free day with my mom. Oh, I didn't mention this weekend when Molly had to be brought to urgent care twice and Brian was working nights. What's sad is that I'm feeling guilty about wanting a kid-free day today. I already work crazy hours and Brian does too. How is this affecting the girls? Do they know that we are indeed a family, even though we don't get to spend much time together? I know they know they have a mommy who loves them and a daddy who loves them, but do they know that mommy and daddy are one unit? I don't know. As I'm writing this, I'm thinking that maybe it's all the sickness that's causing this week to be hard. I'm very frustrated, but I'm not going to give up. We're still going to have some fun times!

I know this is alot of rambling and I don't even know if anyone will read it ever, but I feel much better about getting all of this off my chest and figuring out that it is most probably just a fluke week.