Friends

After I was telling Brian about the blog I wrote about him, his comment was that he thought this was Mary Claire's blog. And while 95% of it is, I still like to vent, appreciate, share, gloat, etc. on here. This post is going to be a combination of seeking answers and venting all at the same time.


I feel friendless. I don't know why. Don't get me wrong, I know I have many people who care for me and about me - mainly my family. But other than them, I don't really have "friends." I don't have anyone to call to brag about Mary Claire, or to question about Mary Claire, or to go shopping with, or just call on the phone to talk, or someone to call and check on me. I feel alone. I have many people I work with to talk to and share with, but outside of my co-workers and my family, I have no one special.


Is this just something that happens as one ages? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. When I returned home from college and started working, I had absolutely no one. My friends from high school were no where around and I just wasn't meeting people like I had hoped. I then bought my first house that I just loved, but I can't begin to count the number of times I cried myself to sleep, or would be laying out by my pool crying because I had no one to talk to or lean on or share my happiness or sadness with.


I then met a girl I will call Samantha. Samantha and I became really good friends. We had a lot of the same morals and values, and we were just two good people. Samantha had a boyfriend she had been dating for about a year and a half. I never minded going out places with both of them because they always made me feel welcome. Well, then I met Brian, and started spending my time with him getting to know him and my days with Samantha just kept dwindling down to us just never talking anymore. Well, then Brian and I decided to get married. I knew this would kill my already diminishing friendship with Samantha. You see, Samantha was a young still-in-college girl of 20 and marriage to her boyfriend was one of her top priorities. I was a 27 year old college graduate with my own house and career, and marriage was just my next step. I still vividly remember my phone call - a dreaded one at that - to Samantha to tell her the news of my upcoming wedding. I told her that Brian and I would be getting married on the beach in Hawaii in September. Her response, "But you've only known him a few months. [My boyfriend] and I have been dating for over a year. And I won't even get to be at the wedding??" So how supportive is that for a friend?? Needless to say, our friendship continued on its deteriorating path.


So, after that, I haven't really had a friend. My husband and my mom are the two best friends I could ask for; however, it would be nice to have someone, you know? My husband has guys from work he can go play golf with, while I have no one to go shopping with or bring our kids to the park together. I would just like a friend, you know?


I know this is sounding like I'm looking for some pity, but I really only want to connect with some women close to my age and most possibly with a child or children. And even that will be difficult for me. With both Brian and myself working shift work, life gets tough. Every other weekend has to be reserved for work, and so our days off during the week are "normal" people's working days.



So, you may ask, where does this have anything to do with Mary Claire? I want my daughter to have so much self-confidence she shines. I want her to be out-going and friendly. I don't want her to suffer from a poor self-image like I have. I want her to know how beautiful and amazing she is. I want to offer her every opportunity to build herself up into this rounded person I desire her to be.



As I sit here at work typing this trying to contain my tears, I just can't. I want so much for my daughter that it is not even funny. And I plan on doing everything in my power to get her to where she belongs.

Also, this has me thinking about the timing of our next baby. I would love to have a baby soon because I think it would be so awesome for Mary Claire and Baby to be close in age. They would always have each other. I think it would be so sweet for Mary Claire to have a baby sister. But who's to say the next one would be a girl, right? The only person that knows that, that even knows if I will have another baby is God! Brian and I have agreed to have at least one more baby and I want two more, so I'm still working on that last one! We will wait a few more months to start trying for another baby as I would like Mary Claire to be pretty steadily mobile when I am big pregnant and also give my body time to heal from Mary Claire's c-section.

I am debating publishing this post because it just puts me out there emotionally. I've been feeling pretty down lately and have come to this conclusion. So I will publish it; maybe it will do me some good. It is nice to have an outlet for my feelings, even if only a handful of people will read it.

In closing, I just want to thank God for the people who do care about me. I want to thank Him for my life and for the lives of my family. I want to thank Him for blessing me with a wonderful and beautiful baby girl - she is the highlight of my life and she keeps me going.

Silly girl!

Poppa John playing with my toys and me: Her new toys - her toes:

Mary Claire has her six-month appointment this coming Monday. More shots....ugh! I am so anxious to see how much she has grown. She really is a big girl! This past weekend Mary Claire, Nannie and I went shopping. We had quite a few people stop us and jokingly tell us that we needed to feed her! Then they just could not believe that she was only 6 months old! I also felt so good when people would tell me she is "beautiful;" good thing she looks like her daddy.

I'm anxious to ask her pediatrician if there is something we can do to have her like tummy time more. She will not roll over from her back to her stomach even though I know she could if she wanted to. She sleeps on her side now (we lay her on her back and she immediately rolls to her side). So all she really has to do is flip her body a little. I just don't want her to be developmentally behind because she hates being on her stomach. How is she going to learn to crawl??? I put her on her stomach to play with her and before I can lay myself down on the floor with her she has flipped to her back! Any ideas??? I keep flipping her back to her stomach to show her, but she just goes right back to her back!

On the other hand, she sits independently great! She has even started to re-gain some control when she goes to fall over! So that's good!

If anyone has any suggestions about the tummy time practice, please let me know!

Happy 1/2 Birthday Mary Claire!

Today our baby girl is 6 months old! Who knew time could fly so fast? Not me! These last six months have been so incredibly amazing; hard, but amazing! We have been blessed to have Mary Claire in our lives. Being a mother is everything I had ever imagined, plus more. While most aspects are just as I imagined, there are some in which I have adjusted to. One main one is that I really thought I would NEVER co-sleep. But, guess what? We co-sleep! And, for the most part, I love it. Mary Claire sleeps through the night, and at the first sign of her waking, I can usually get her back to sleep without her fully waking up. I do have some concerns, but my mother instincts seem to kick in when needed!

Mary Claire really is a good baby. Everyone at her day care always compliments her on that. The only "problem" we have with Mary Claire is that when it is time to go to sleep for the night, she only wants Momma to hold her or she has to have Momma laying down with her. And, as I told Brian last night, I'm sure she will outgrow that and soon be a "Daddy's girl!"

In 12 days Brian and I are taking a vacation together, just the two of us. It almost kills me to think that I won't see Mary Claire for 6 whole days. I get all teary-eyed just thinking about it. I know she will be in great and capable hands, but gosh darn! She and I will be just fine, but I'm just anxious for it to get here!

I hope you enjoy the month-by-month pictures!

Just born (November 25, 2008):
December 2008:

January 2009:

February 2009:

March 2009:

April 2009:

May 24, 2009:

For my husband....

As we were sitting in church last Sunday listening to the scripture readings, this one nearly brought me to tears:


"Beloved, let us love one another,because love is of God;everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love.In this way the love of God was revealed to us:God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him.In this is love:not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins." 1 John 4:7-10


All I could think about was the love I have for my husband. As I was nearing thirty moving into my late twenties, I had pretty much given up hope on finding my soul mate, the one I would share the rest of my life with. All I had wanted all my life was to be a wife and mother, but it just wasn't happening. I had had my heart terribly broken just a few years before and thought my one chance had been given to me.


But God had other plans. A girl at work kept encouraging me to join a popular "Internet social network," and I finally did. This allowed me to re-connect with people from my past, and was a fun way to keep in touch with my current friends. However, it also allowed me to "meet" new people. This one guy kept messaging me, and I was very hesitant at first to even acknowledge him. He finally gave up for a little while, but then slowly crept back. I distinctly remember the one message that kind of "ignited" my interest in him; I had posted a new picture of myself that had been taken just a day earlier in front of the Christmas tree at my mom and dad's house. His message simply said, "You look beautiful in your new picture." Now, for the people who know me, know that I have self-esteem issues with my physical looks. I know I'm not the prettiest girl, but I feel that on certain days I do have "pretty days." For someone to tell me I was beautiful, and not just pretty or nice-looking, basically just melted my heart. No one other than my family had EVER used that word to describe me!


So I talked to my mom about him for the first time. I remember saying something to the effect that "he can't be that bad (meaning harmful) if he's a cop police officer, right?" And I decided for the first time to respond to his messages. And from there the rest is history! We had many, many deep conversations via messaging on this "Internet social network." I wish we both still had those original accounts because I would love to re-read them! Our messaging turned into long, deep phone conversations, and from there moved onto in-person conversations.


I could not believe my eyes when I walked into The (old) Cottage to meet Brian. I had most certainly seen his pictures on the computer, but he was by far the most handsome guy I have ever laid eyes on. He was (and still is!) bald - with a freshly shaven head and face - and had the most amazing blue eyes. I absolutely loved his arms when he took his black leather jacket off; they were also freshly shaven and oh so muscular! Oh yeah, and the conversation was GREAT! We talked for at least two hours, possibly more. It just seems that time stood still that day. And when it was time for this first, semi-blind date to end, I was so freaking nervous. Nervous that he would want me to kiss him, which I don't like to do on the first date, and even more nervous that he would never call me again. But I didn't have to worry about either of those - he was a perfect gentleman and just requested a nice hug and the phone call was not far away!


So, in short finally, we have had a great time together. We first talked on the computer in late December 2006, talked on the phone since January 2007, met in late January or early February 2007, got engaged in the Summer of 2007, and married on September 16, 2007. While we have had a wonderful and amazing engagement and marriage, it has not been devoid of some bumps, two specific ones that still painfully stand out in my mind. But we've made it and we will continue to make it for as long as God wants us to be His servants here on Earth. I am proud to say that Brian and I have a strong faith that is the background to our marriage. I LOVE going to church with Brian on Sunday evenings....our little tradition that has evolved.


And this leads me into my message about God's message I posted. I would like to say I knew and loved God before I met Brian, but thinking back I don't know. Thinking back I wonder....did I really know Him? Because, as the scripture says, "everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.Whoever is without love does not know God for God is love." But I know him now and it is because of Brian. This true love between us enables my relationship with God to be full and complete. And I would like to thank you, Brian, my husband for that. My life is complete in ALL aspects because of you. You are a true man of God, my wonderful husband, an amazing father to Mary Claire and Taylor, a great police officer, and an upstanding citizen in this crazy world. Remember that I will always be here standing next to you on our journey together. These three little words just sum it all up......I love you.

Sitting up outside....photos by Daddy!

Rub-a-dub-dub....

Mary Claire in the tub! Silly Daddy....bubbles don't make hair or a beard!!

And this is her new "trick!" Lovely, huh???

The sweetest thing....and some pics!

Just a little while ago, around 900pm, I put Mary Claire to sleep. I went to lay her in her our bed for the night, and I laid her on my side of the bed with my pillow up as the barrier to keep her from falling out of the bed. I then proceeded to sterilize her bottles and, about 30 minutes later I heard her fussing. I knew she just needed her pacifier stuffed placed back in her mouth. But when I got in there I saw the SWEETEST thing ever - she had wiggled and scooted herself over and was head-to-head with Brian! I wish it wasn't so dark in my room or I would have definitely gotten a picture. But isn't that so sweet??!?!

Here they are...the two loves of my life:

This is what we do when Daddy isn't around to take our picture:

We are teaching her early to be smart and well-read:And I hope we aren't teaching her to do this...devour a bag of chips...cause her face sure looks like that is what she wants to do:

Just being silly and cute:

Mary Claire with Mommy and Nannie

My first Mother's Day

My first Mother's Day was great! I love that God chose Mary Claire to be my first child. She is such a blessing and I just have so much fun with her!

For my first Mother's Day I received a beautiful card from Mary Claire and a nice, new, fancy digital camera. (And it is fancy!) I can't wait for the chance to sit down and read the owner's manual and figure out all the fancy settings it has.

My mom and dad cooked for us on Mother's Day. I know, I know, it was MOTHER'S DAY, but my mom cooks such yummy food that you would want her to cook for you, too! After we all ate lunch, my mom took a few hours to be "Nannie" and bond with Mary Claire while I went to play golf with my three favorite men in the world....my wonderful husband, my great dad, and my goofy brother. We played 18 holes and I finally started hitting decent on the 17th hole...go figure! But we had fun and Nannie says Mary Claire did just fine! Yay!

I also wanted to take this chance to thank my husband for everything he does for me. I asked him to take off this weekend to spend with me for my first Mother's Day, and he did! We had a nice and relaxing busy weekend, but it was so great to actually have a weekend off together! I was laying in bed last night thinking that in the last week I have only washed and sterilized bottles ONCE! And I only washed ONE load of clothes! Thank you baby so much! Even though I have had to work, it was actually relaxing to go home and not have to do hardly anything except spend time with you and Mary Claire! I love you.

I hope all mothers had a wonderful and special day. Happy Mother's Day one day late...from the Brodnax family.

Splashing, sitting up, and eating grass!!

I hope you enjoy the video as much as Mary Claire loves her bath! Silly girl!

Splishing and splashing:


Mary Claire did this all by herself today!!!:
She sat up for four minutes by herself!!!!:

And then she got upset!!:

So we just picked up and moved the party outside!!:

She lost her balance but quickly regained it a couple of times!!:

She went back to trying to grab her feet and play with the grass:

And then she ate grass!!:

Mary Claire and I had a fun afternoon of practicing sitting up like a big girl! She is really doing great! Then Daddy took a break from studying and we all Mommy and Daddy walked while Mary Claire rode in her stroller to Lake Winthrop and back in our little subdivision. Mommy sure is enjoying having two days off in a row during the middle of the week....that is until her 12-hour days get here Wednesday and Thursday!

I hope you enjoy the pictures of my beautiful baby girl! She is such a blessing to me! Don't get me wrong, she has her moments; but that is when I look at her and tell her she is lucky she is so darn cute!! The great and amazing moments far surpass the fussy ones!